Don’t fear failure so much…

It is so common, it seems as if it must be innate; that is the fear of failure.  Even very young children seem to have a fear of failure but it cannot be innate – or can it?  Children learn that there are consequences to what their parents and educators perceive as failure.  Take colouring outside of the lines as an example: if a child colours outside the lines, is this really a failure?  Children learn at a very young age that they are rewarded for socially conforming behaviours like colouring in the lines and following instructions but they are punished, scolded, or at the very least given the look of disappointment for not conforming.  Very quickly a child learns that if they follow the rules they have nothing to fear, but as they age, they quickly learn that even following the rules is not enough – you must excel.  Whether learning times tables, algebra, chemistry, or any sport, most children learn that those who win are celebrated and those who don’t are not treated the same.  They try desperately to win next time to avoid disappointing others and even themselves.  Perhaps we are taught to fear failure?

A recent article in Psychology Today said that there really only five five innate fears:

  1. extinction (dying)
  2. mutilation or losing a limb
  3. loss of autonomy or loss of one’s sense of self
  4. separation or shunning from society
  5. ego-death – fear of humiliation or shame

The article goes on to describe that all other fears are rooted in one or more of these five.  It seems possible that the fear of failure relates to the fifth fear – ego death or fear of humiliation.  If we assume that this fear of our ego being crushed is real and innate, we must consider the effect that we have on children and not feed into an innate fear of humiliation or shame.  As a parent and as a college professor, I see first hand how an ego which has died a million times can either diminish the sensitivity or paralyze the person to the point they refuse to even try to achieve more for fear of another ego death.  Clearly some people have a natural resiliency to an assault on the ego.  

Perhaps we need to accept ego-death for what it is – real.  If we start with the idea that none of us really want our egos crushed, even when we are very young , we can start to turn the game around.  Perhaps “failures” need to be re-branded.  In one of my last posts I wrote about how Edison had to fail at thousands of light bulbs before the one filament did not break and illuminated the glass.  If children could explore failing and develop their own sense of what feels right to them and what feels wrong, they can learn the value of failing.  I believe failing should be the new goal and a requirement in learning.  Maybe we need to set up the safety net so kids can go and see what it feels like for them to not accomplish something before learning their own tricks for success.  Certainly some failures must be corrected sternly.  A child who runs without looking across a street must be corrected and taught that failing to look both ways has catastrophic consequences.  On the other hand, having a kid learn a skill but not finding immediate success must be viewed as part of the journey on the bumpy road to ultimate success.  Perhaps when teaching a kid to colour, we just hand over the crayons and walk away.  

A child or young adult who is not okay with viewing failing as an opportunity for learning becomes an adult paralyzed with fear of failure.  They become the adults who would rather accept the life that is safe and has less chance of failing than living the life they really want and accepting the failures along the way.  Every person that we view as successful today, has a story which is often built on the number of times they failed. The ones I admire celebrate their failures for the rest of us to learn that failing is okay and part of the process. Perseverance should be the objective in the pursuit of one’s life ambition lest we want a world of conformists and a population with a preference for mediocrity.  All of my heroes were passionate people who stood for what they believed and were willing to risk it all, including failure, to live the life they dreamed about.  

Michael Faraday is one of my heroes.  He was a scientist who died in the late 1800’s .  He is best known for his discovery of the invisible magnetic field that exists around a wire.  He had numerous other discoveries which makes him one of the most important scientists in history.  He was born to a poor family in England.  He never received a formal education.  He learned because of a passion for learning.  His first contact with science was attending lectures by prominent scientists of the time from tickets that were given to him by a benefactor.  Later, he managed to become an assistant in a lab and eventually was awarded a teaching position in chemistry.  His perseverance led him to many discoveries in chemistry and electromagnetism. He was to be knighted but he refused.  He was also awarded the opportunity to become President of the Royal Society; he turned it down twice.  He was a principled man who when approached by the British Government to assist in the development of chemical weapons to be used in the Crimean war, refused for ethical reasons.

I have great admiration for those who have made great accomplishments in this world by having the determination to succeed and the perseverance to continue on despite obstacles and failures which would have caused most people to abandon their dreams or more likely to never even begin.  

I am always inspired by this quote from Louis E. Boone, “Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things.  The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.”

Brett

 

7 Responses to “Don’t fear failure so much…”

  1. ロレックスパーペチュアルスーパーコピー たとえ、エマニュエル・ブーシェの合併症の1つのダイヤルの上で激しく見えます、それは本当にちょうど時間を示している。それは、子会社が秒のトップでダイヤル(内蔵の日/夜指標板)と他の2つの下位ダイヤルを下の時間を示している(左)と分(右)。ここでさえ、あなたを無視するのを見て何を期待するユニークな要素の数があります。 http://www.newkakaku.com/xinq23.htm

  2. 財布のコピー 時間を発表しますとても長くてとても長い前、人類はすべて更に赤く双足は歩いています。1人の国王はある辺鄙で遠い田舎の旅行に着いて、路面がでこぼこなため、とても多くてばらばらな石があって、刺すのは彼の足を得ます痛くてしびれます。王宮に帰った後に、彼はおりていっしょに命令して、国内のすべての道はすべて一層のほらに敷きます。彼はこのようにすると思って、自分になって、また彼の人民に幸福をもたらすことができて、みんなを歩かせます時もう受けて痛い苦しみを刺しません。たとえしかし最も国内のすべての牛を殺しますとしても、十分な皮革をも調達しきれないで、費やした金銭、使用する人力、更にはかりしれません。まったくできないが、甚だしきに至ってはまたかなり愚かで、しかし国王の命令なため、みんなも頭を振ってため息をつくことしかできません。1人の聡明な召使いは大胆に国王に提案を出しています:「国王!どうしてあなたは大勢の人を動員して、そんなに多い牛に命を捧げて、そんなに多い金銭を費やしますか?あなたは何は両の小さいほらであなたの足をしっかり包むだけではありませんか?」国王が聞いたのはとても驚いて、しかしもすぐ悟って、そこですぐに命令を取り消して、この提案を新たに採用します。聞くところによると、これは「革靴」の由来です。世界を変えたくて、難しいです;自分を変えて、比較的容易です。全世界を変えるよりも、先に自分の–「自分の双足を包みます」を変えるほうがいいです。自分のいくつかの観念と方法を変えて、外来の侵略を防ぎ止めますで。自分で変えた後に、目の中の世界の自然はすぐ引き続き変えました。 http://www.brandiwc.com/brand-super-14-copy-0.html

  3. リンデの心は、彼らのムーンウォッチコレクションに加えていると、はい、あなたが尋ねる)-―がなされるだけで59へ行くことができる前に、月に2日間のサイクル数。ショパール時計コピー新しいリンデホワイトゴールドとブラックを始めたシリーズの最新の繰り返しで、ゴールド版の刻まれた18 kの形で見続けたfunkierで上昇した。スマートな方向に行って、このリンデ白く見えるパリッとしてすべてのビットとして冷静にその前任者として。 http://www.gginza.com/%E3%82%A2%E3%83%90%E3%82%A6%E3%83%88/item_10.html

  4. ウブロスーパーコピー それを愛するか、それを憎み、エマニュエル・ブーシェの合併症の1つのとてもエキゾチックで提供するすべての会話のポイント時計狂愛を議論する。また、エマニュエル・ブーシェの合併症についてのノートへの非常に重要なことであるのを見て、それの中でまだ絵の全てではないが同じ人にそれを見ることにした。でも理解する方法の説明の時間を言うビットなしで挑戦することができます。 http://www.msnbrand.com/goods-copy-4780.html

  5. 42ミリメートルワイドケース(100メートルまで耐水性)黒コーティングによる鋼の中にある。私はそれを信じてdlcです、しかし、ブライトリングのないdlcに具体的に言及する。事例ベースの治療は、「高度耐性炭素が、彼らは単に状態。」……。別名dlcですか?ケース・ベントリーのための署名のブライトリングの角の側面と「closデュパリ」と刻まれているベゼルに見えることがあります。これにより抑制された大きさにおいて、私はそれがよりよく見えると思います。 カルティエ偽物 腕時計に取り付けられた黒いゴムひもです。考えてみると私は理由を知りませんが、両方の条件を見て「カーボン」と「ミッドナイト」のタイトルである。二人とも何か暗いか黒いを意味するのにしばしば使われます。おそらく、彼らはちょうど部分を特定するのを助ける1つの学期で動けない可能性があります。 http://www.gowatchs.com/brand-189.html

  6. ビートの秒針の左側に何か他のものに興味があります。これは「飛行時間ダイヤルとそれが本当に性筋膜の手の一種である。完全な革命が各々の第2の手を持っているいくつかのを見て、我々はそれらを参照としての「飛ぶ」の理由は、彼らがとても速く動くように見えるということです、時計屋は彼らが飛んでいる」と言います。 ブレゲスーパーコピー 「伝統の手によりはむしろ、デウィット・2つの重なり合うディスクを開発した。ディスクに小さな穴があります、そして、上ディスクに移動するとき、それはダイヤルの上にユニークなアニメーションを作成します。 http://www.ooobag.com/wallet/louisvuitton/index_6.html

  7. 2015年のために、カルティエは、両方の男性と女性のための真新しいcléカルティエ腕時計のコレクションを発表しました。我々は、cléカルティエは、我々のトップ10の新しい腕時計sihh 2015年の間の1つとして、正当な理由のためにそれをスポーツだけでなく、完全に新しいケースデザインが、また新しい運動。2015年のclé腕時計は排他的に18金で提供されるへ行っている間(いろいろな色)、我々は予想しますがカルティエ肉付けcléカルティエコレクションより多くの次の数年にわたってとありそうな鋼のモデルとして提供する。だから、2015年のカルティエcléカルティエ時計の上に行きましょう、とカルティエの新しいドレスウォッチコレクションを面白くすることを見てください。 http://www.bagkakaku.com/vuitton_bag/2/N55213.html

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